i want to say
to all of you who read this blog
i apologize
for my sink into sadness
this autumn.
 my day job, 
teaching high school emotionally disturbed kids has become harder
 than ever before, 
and i've complained
about the 11 students, 
11 different schedules, 
7 with multiple mental illness diagnoses.
but this week two of them have gone to other programming
one with huge sadness,
and two disappeared off the radar
one returned.
this is how it is.
 i commute lately on very bumpy backroads.
they bring me closer to the comfort of earth mother
and sometimes i see things
like the wind harvesting milkweed seeds,
high hedges taking root,
brilliant sun splitting through clouds.
 what i am thinking about today is this stuff
i want to go out and harvest stalks and brew pulp.
and i may.
this week drew matott has volunteered to come to my school
to make pulp paintings with our kids
and i am so very grateful.
 as the october winds play with these seeds
i will try to be present to the beauty
of healing with pulp painting.
 i will try to remember that i have
a place in this landscape
and a purpose: to mother, to teach, to make art, to be a friend.
 i look at these miracles
milkweed and goldenrod
and yes, there is still a flower or two to be found,
and rose leaves i saw this morning,
and this changing, 
may i,
may you 
embrace it as right and good.
may we all find a still center
if only for a little while