shielding from crazy isn’t easy, neither is shielding from that which hates earth, waters, sky, animals and people, instead of loving them properly. i find myself in despair, and for the first time ever haven’t finished my taxes early (like usual) but am using the extension given to us. i tread close to despair and delay and deny any reason to do what i need to do. this beautiful shield, i wish it would protect me. maybe these images will at the very least remind me of who i am and my responsibilities.

minding a puppy who is living with mouth pain (teething) hormonal surges, identity crises, power struggles AND growing pains of whatever kind including toileting…has many challenges. often i feel overwhelmed.

but last week i found things outside, and now have four giant silk moth cocoons and a handful more of the smaller ones. of the large cocoons i think the small ones are cecropias and the large are lunas. one of those is four inches. and i’ve now washed, teased, and carded the tiny ones, and have more spinning to do.

smaller dark cocoons: cecropias, bigger ones are possibly lunas. i found all of these on my dirt road, two on one walk. i was beside myself.

finding these made me understand something, the least of things are miraculous indeed. i need to remember that. they will hatch at the house, so i can keep track of them. and save the empty cocoons to spin.

picked and carded, and now for the spinning

perhaps this little photo essay doesn’t quite explain the tedium of opening up each inch-long cocoon and coaxing out the detritus. there is a lot of detritus.

i wanted to check in, i am isolating, have been for ever it seems, but i am also so weary and heart sick. our governor is doing a grand job working new york through this crisis, our president is deplorable, crazy, unable to think, lead, love, care, understand or be a president. once while i was traveling in england, i was told i didn’t behave like an american (the scotsman telling me this thought i was canadian). i understood, treasured the compliment.

this winter i discovered the usefulness of abandoned cocoons liberally scattered all over the cedar siding and cut firewood stacks of this place. the tussock moth cocoons are small, dirty and in many states of disrepair, as far as fiber production is concerned.

many cocoons on a small six inch hand card

the resulting yarn has been very interesting, not varying a huge amount despite the different preparation steps i’ve used.

size 8 keens and cecropia cocoon, about 3.5 x 2 inches

i’ve had my eye on the woods, hoping i might find another giant silk moth cocoon like i did years ago when i was teaching a combined grades 5 & 6 class of kids with emotional disabilities. always knowing how ridiculously impossible that would be. yesterday i found one. it was a thing i’ve been looking at all winter on my walks, a leaf clump, revealed itself as a cocoon. a cecropia. 5 feet off the road a cecropia cocoon, spun up in a black cherry sapling. if my knees could still run i would have run (to where? i don’t know!) to tell the news, instead i told nell and she was suitably excited, as she is anytime outdoors. (also, she said, where’s supper?)

i thought i would do what i did last time, cut the branch, bring it inside, place it in a window and wait. the day it emerged in room 400 i was reading to my kids, and my assistants started dancing, pointing to the windowsill, where that strange tomb was wiggling, wiggling i tell you. eventually a giant silk moth appeared. that changed the whole day into what teachers call a teachable moment (meaning NOT in the lesson plan), and they insisted i return that beautiful moth to where i found it. which i did.

so all around is fear and denial and uncertainly. i am here, struggling to make things, fulfill commitments, and to direct my students through the last month of class, remotely. one of the ten hasn’t been in touch, which worries me, but the others have all touched base. they are making a zine a week (participating in michelle moode’s challenge) and are in touch.

dear aimee has a new how-to book about jeseung, which you should order. and sarah swett continues to make kami-ito into shifu tapestries. two of many who are making paper as textile sing.