it’s never been easy for me to lie, and so i tell you, dear reader, that these last two years have been excruciating. being an elder in training i remember that george harrison image on the all things must pass album when those words come home to visit the first time. and I can also say that passing is what is happening.

despite various instructions found in old books

i’ve looked at stupid social media too much seeking some sort of truth and find myself enraged at the bitter silliness of amateurs pawning themselves as experts, or styled photos that seem too good to be true. there are no warts, no cankers, no love canal, no oil spills or letting the bones speak for themselves; when this happens LOOK OUT. feeling like a failure is part of it. to be an imposter, a know-it-all is decidedly not true. on the other hand, my ian, who is celebrating a birthday today, reminded me last night: winging it has merit. more than that, it’s how you move past the ground knowledge. it’s where the new things blossom.

for the fiddlehead prints becoming a book

my beautiful and wildly helpful daughter brought her partner for a long weekend, and we painted two rooms, changed 39 drawer pulls for appropriate to this house ones, built ikea bookshelves (four more billys) changed the god awful five legged tarantulas (giant ceiling fans) that were devouring four rooms (yes, the crazy former owner put two in one small room) and I have only to replace books and set up my studio. only!!!

a little vase from mjolk holds a coreopsis appropriately named called jethro yull

collecting dried coreopsis and calendula

i’m struggling with the text for this pale book, should it be about pigments (i’m a bit enthused about pigments after the big online event last week) or paleness, or something else entirely, or maybe just white fish? or something only loosely tied or even “untied” to this simple magic of making pages and cover in a different way? so this is what i’m saying here, sometimes your children help you realize things, and help you remember your obligations: to making, to loving, to community, the greater community, in the way you are best suited to do it. thank you dear ian, hannah, and ty, the chosen not birthed child. you three have much to teach me. if anyone has made it this far with me today, i’m grateful and feel your community as well. we need one another.